My Real Life First Mother's Day

"What time is it?" I ask Britt."2:30AM." 

Longing for sleep, I pull my fussing baby towards me. 

I nurse her, kiss her, and run my fingertips from the crown of her head to the tip of her nose, gently persuading her to close her eyes and go back to sleep. It works.

I fall back asleep and wake up the next morning, full of energy and ready to tackle the day. 

HA.

HAHAHA.

AHAHAHAHA. 

No, I'm kidding. It's 3:30am and it feels as if I'll never sleep again.

After an hour of keeping my eyes closed, but feeling wide awake, I go to the kitchen and eat a banana-oatmeal-blueberry muffin. 

I study Matthew Chapter 6. It's 34 verses have started to etch themselves deeper onto my heart. 

I don't know what else to do at 3:30, so I've started writing this blog to help my future self see some progress.

One day, future self, Rylynn will eat on her own. She'll sleep for a normal amount of time. She'll take care of her own bathroom business. She may even have her own children that she'll get to be a mama to. 

Lots of memories will be made. You'll be the sweetest, and the meanest, and the dumbest, and the smartest person she'll be around. Ebbs and flows, mama, ebbs and flows.

Sure, this is not exactly how you pictured motherhood, because there's not a ton of films capturing a groggy mom in a living room at 4am, eating a "healthy" muffin that tastes mediocre at best.

But guess what, this is real life. And it's your life. And remember how you never even thought motherhood was even possible? Well it's here, and it's full force. 

It's beautiful, and difficult, and exhausting, and time consuming, and wonderful, and such a sweet gift.

Enjoy these moments, current self, because they will someday be terribly missed.




*** Shout out to Britt for letting me get some naps, a massage, breakfast in bed (Egg's Benedict), sweet gifts, and much more this weekend. He takes care of me and Ry like crazy, and I'm sure my mind would be nearly lost without his sweet love for me. Other than waking up at 2:30, this was the best first Mother's Day a girl could ask for. Love you, Britt. ***