When I look back at the friendships I've made and squandered I wonder, "What happened there?". I wonder if I took opportunities to encourage and uplift my friends. I wonder if I was overly-judgmental about their life choices. I wonder if I was as patient with them as they were with me.
It's important that I do this, because it's so easy for me to get caught up in thinking that everyone else an idiot, wishing they were all on the same page as me with what's right and wrong. My opinions tend to become "what is right" instead of just an opinion. Others become more and more susceptible to failing in my eyes.
As a follower of Christ, I hate that I have these feelings towards others. I want to see the best in everyone, extend grace, patience, mercy, forgiveness, and love. Yet I find myself still treating my closest friends as if they could never live up to MY standards.
Well, where did MY standards come from anyway? I know these things for sure:
1) We are born sinful. No sane person teaches kids to bite, or to be selfish when they are two. No, the words "Mine" seem to find their own way to the lips of toddlers, selfishly declaring what is theirs. So there you have it- I have been sinful and selfish since birth.
2) My background, what and how I was taught, has influenced me the most. Someone is tardy? Then they are lazy/poor time managers. Someone talked back? No respect for others. What? They didn't say "thank you"? Ungrateful. Someone drinks? SIN. Someone has sex? UNFORGIVABLE- that's for marriage only! How could you! Gay? Don't even get me started...
Condemnation waiting for you at every turn. (I'll address this in a minute)
3) The Bible is my ultimate authority. I know some of my standards are based on emotion or opinion, but ultimately, I strive to meet the standards that are asked of me in the Word.
That said, I will address the issues with point 2.
Somewhere in between the mix of old church folk, my peers, and spankins', my view of people who were sinful got completely distorted. Never-mind the fact that I thought I was the only one in the world who barely sinned. (Making it that much easier to judge those around me!)
I had no tolerance, and no grace to extend to those that fell short. I believed that once you turned your back on God, he would turn his back on you. He was ready to boot you out of His kingdom if you said the "F" word one more time!! But obviously, the reality of it was that I had made myself god. I had made my standards and opinions, the ULTIMATE say so. (Cough, heresy, cough cough)
How wrong and sinful was I? Does the Bible not also say that we ALL fall short of the glory of God. We wrestle with sin on a daily basis. It is not, and was not my job to search and know people's hearts; To make known and rehash their sins to them; to make them feel the way I did.
Yes, God has specifically spoken to certain characteristics, and yes, as Christians we are to pursue Christ and strive to be like him. But there is grace, forgiveness, and healing that is offered in Jesus' name. We will sin. We will struggle- but God is constantly wooing us back to Himself.
He is just, and there is consequences to a life lived without Him, but as long as our heart and eyes are fixed on Christ, he will be there faithfully throughout every season, every hour, and every second of our lives.
Even as I write this, feeling so undeserving because of how I've portrayed Christ, I know that He knows my heart, has forgiven me, and has called me to repentance. I have been making progress slowly but surely, and for now I just want to apologize to anyone reading this who I've treated badly. I am truly sorry and I hope that, in my repentance you can see that Christ can even use crazies like me to spread His Word.
On a similar note...
As Britt and I prepare for Japan, God has really been transforming my heart and preparing me to know that there will most likely be a resistance to people when we begin to share the gospel. People will not be like me. Not only in their morals, but with the God's they serve and the lifestyle they live.
I pray that I will genuinely be able to accept people the way they are, and that they would do the same for me.
I pray that they would realize that God wants them now exactly as they are, and not the future unattainable perfected versions of themselves. All I can ask is for God's divinity to be at work, and for ears to be open to the Good News, for myself and for others.
I love you guys,
B